i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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