Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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