Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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