my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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