What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
