he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
