College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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