I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Your shirt... Was in my pants
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
