I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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