I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
