I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
