Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
