I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
ttyl tear gas
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
