so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
