What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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