look no pants
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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