A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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