Don't make out with my wife yet
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
