theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
