good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
