i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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