Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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