I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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