I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
