Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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