so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
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Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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