shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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