dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
