it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
