I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
