nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you would pick up someone in the library
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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