omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
