You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You are the jesus of drinking
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize