somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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