real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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