i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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