Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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