Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
