is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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