oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just cropdusted the office
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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