i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
