i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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