He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
