dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
