ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
