I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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