just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
