Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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