just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
