I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
