she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
