Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
