i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
