Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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