I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
