I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
