I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
