i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
