So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
