I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
