i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
