just tell him i said nine months
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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