Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
