One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
