No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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