Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Watching her eat just hurts me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
