I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They have beer where we have blood.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
